A Warning from a Christian with Same-Sex Attraction

by Matt Ford

In chapter 4 of her book, Born Again This Way (well-worth the read in its entirety), Rachel Gilson remembers a trip to visit her ex-girlfriend. At that time she had been a Christian for two years, yet she confesses that on that trip she, “gave herself to an old lover.” She recalls, “I remember waking that night, watching the snow fall out the dorm window, feeling heavy for what I’d done with the girl next to me. Then choosing to do it again.” (59) She admits it: she had then considered the possibility of leaving her Christian community in order to, “re-kindle my natural romance with this woman that I loved. It would be so easy.” (61)

An Important Question

Let’s pause here. What would you say to someone like Rachel if she shared her story with you in a moment like that? Would you encourage her that her desires were not all that wrong? Would you let her know that there is a space for her and her lifestyle in the Christian community?

Well, whatever anyone might have said, Rachel decided that she simply couldn’t leave Christianity. As she put it, “I couldn’t give up Jesus. Where would I ever find a love like his? Who could ever provide me with the security of his eternal affection?” (61) So Rachel called a trusted Christian friend, confessed it all, hopped on the train, and headed home.

It’s at this point that Gilson sharpens her story into a warning. She writes,

“I can’t imagine the distress I would have felt had I confessed my sin and received back a reassurance that what I had done wasn’t really so bad. That I could have that life if I just baptized it in Christian colors, called it by Christian names. It would have kicked my knees right out from under me, when I could already barely stand.” (67)

Who Needs Saving

Gilson—a Christian who struggles with same-sex attraction—tells us not to, “kick Christians in the knees” by communicating that same-sex sexual activity can be considered faithful to Christ. Gilson muses, “As far as I can tell, most people change their minds on this issue out of deep sympathy. Folks hate the historic mistreatment of gay and lesbian people. They hear and misinterpret Jesus’ call to judge not. They believe that opening the door for same-sex romance reflects God’s love, because they’ve bought the cultural lie that only in marriage can adulthood and joy be achieved.”

She continues, “People in this frame, who want the best for their neighbors, see the plausibility of what we might call revisionist readings of Scripture—that is, interpretations of the Bible that conclude that same-sex romance and sex are not wrong, and that Scriptures support monogamous same-sex faithful marriage… It is hard not to go to a Christian bookstore or website and find an empathetic teacher on this position.” (67-68)

However, Gilson alerts, “This is not new. The Bible’s words on life and sexuality have offended every culture in every age, as people have risen up to try to save God from his own bad image.”

Profoundly, Gilson then asks, “What if it’s not [God] who needs saving but us?”

A Double-Edged Warning

The knife of Gilson’s warning has two edges. First, she insists that Christians pushing “revisionist readings” stand in the way of God’s salvation in Christ from the power of sin in the precious lives of same-sex-attracted brothers and sisters. Reflecting on 1 Thessalonians 4 she writes, “Paul wants to protect God’s people from themselves. He says explicitly at the end of our passage, ‘Therefore, whoever disregards [God’s teaching on sexuality], disregards not man but God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you.’” (68)

Gilson’s first warning is clear: let’s not be found disregarding God who transforms people from the heart by power of His Spirit with “revisionist readings” that apply the spirit of the age more than the inspired message of the Holy Spirit in the Scriptures.

The second edge of Gilson’s warning cuts as well. Gilson insists that we must not blur the unique and powerful ministry that faithful, same-sex-attracted Christians can have in our present cultural moment. Gilson believes, “… the Western cultural chorus is shouting ever louder that authenticity is only found in following your flesh. To specifically deny what your body wants is a scandal in our culture. When pursuing your desire for same-gender sex and romance would publicly mark you as a hero—brave and strong—denying it makes you a villain.” (62)

However, Gilson asserts that a moment like ours uniquely sets Christians who struggle with same-sex-attraction in the spotlight for the glory of God. Gilson says, “…same-sex attracted Christians have unique and powerful ministries—that is, we serve the church and the world through our example of obedience. How so? Because we witness powerfully to the beauty of Jesus over romance. Because we embody the necessity of relying on him alone to choose holiness. And because we prophetically call the church to honor God and neighbors by neither taking any from from nor adding to God’s word on sexuality.” (59-60)

She insists that, “To choose celibacy, Jesus must be really precious to you. What a chance to testify that he is! What an opportunity to call into question the narrative of salvation-by-romance, and to point to what all love dimly reflects. And not just with your words, but, like an Old Testament prophet, with your life. You only give up something awesome for something even better. I could only give up the pleasures of a girlfriend—even someday a wife—for the more pleasurable embrace of Christ. And in today’s world, that witness of radical self-denial is almost impossible to hide.” 63

Heed the Warning

As she tells of her return from that trip, Gilson describes how she “came home” both physically on that train and spiritually through repentance. We should learn from her return and her warning. This Jesus-loving Christian, who has struggled with same-sex-attraction, asserts that God’s Word is true, His ways are good, and Jesus is worth the price of faithfulness. And she warns that it is a disservice to the church and the world to “revise” biblical teaching on sexuality as that both harms God’s people and hides their ministry for His glory. We should heed her warning.